There they were – staring at me, screaming at me to take just one more. Pink frosted, vanilla frosted, chocolate frosted, jelly, glazed, powdered, and my favorite – chocolate glazed. I had already eaten one. Dare I eat another?
I had never worried about things like this before. I have a fast metabolism. Since I was a kid, I have been able to pretty much eat whatever I want without gaining much weight.
Dessert was always my favorite. Brownies, cakes, cookies, ice cream, any kind of candy.
My house was the junk food house. The kids whose refrigerators were filled with only fruits and vegetables would knock on my door whenever they craved something sweet.
Donuts are my biggest weakness. There is something about that fried, fluffy dough with that ooey gooey glaze that I just can’t resist.
Recently, I have come to realize that the diet I have always lived on may not be the best one. While weight gain may not have been my problem, there obviously can be other issues when your diet is not as healthy as it should be.
I needed to make a change. It was time for a healthier lifestyle.
I began a yoga practice, and fell in love with it. It helped to make my body stronger and my mind more relaxed.
Yoga was the easy part. The next change would be more difficult: my diet.
I switched to whole grain breads and pasta, started eating lots of fruits and vegetables, and have made other positive changes.
The most challenging thing for me was resisting anything sweet. I replaced the candy and cookies with fruit, which satisfies my craving most of the time. But when I am faced with my favorite desserts, I sometimes cannot help myself.
No one is perfect every day. Old habits are hard to break. When that box of donuts is sitting in front of me, I can’t resist. I will take one, sometimes two.
That’s okay. Tomorrow is a new day. Who knows what it will hold? Healthier eating, maybe even starting a juice cleanse.
We all try. Try to live a healthy lifestyle, try to work out, try to eat well. Some days are easier than others.
I embrace my inner struggle with sweets. I am not perfect, and more than happy to admit it.
So, one day I stumbled upon this top which read “Somewhere Between a Donut and a Juice Cleanse” by Om & Ah London. Naturally, I had to have it.
I proudly wear my new favorite tank to yoga class, and then to my stop at Dunkin on the way home ?.
If you happen to think this top is as adorable as I do, or love any of the great stuff at Om & Ah London, please feel free to use my code PINK10 to get 10% off.
Today is March 27th. It would have been Howie’s 54th birthday.
This is the first March 27th since I began writing.
I often wonder what Howie would think of all this. I, of course, hope he would be proud that I am achieving some level of success with it.
But, let’s face it, I knew my husband. What he probably would have said is “Peanut, are you kidding me? If you’re going to start a new career, can you start one where you at least make some money??”.
I am sure that anyone who knew him is laughing right now because they can hear him saying this 🙂
There are many times when I need to make a decision on my own, and I think to myself, “What would Howie have done?”.
Sometimes these questions concern me personally, but most of the time they are decisions about our girls.
What would he have told Amanda about choosing a college?
How would he have helped Lily when she gets so stressed about her schoolwork?
What would he have done every morning when they fight about what time to leave for school?
Oops I forgot – he never would have heard those fights in the morning – he would have been fast asleep!
One thing I know he would be proud of – how far each of our daughters have come, and what great people they are becoming in spite of what happened to them. I know I am.
Strangely, I have felt his presence a little more in the past few weeks, possibly because his birthday was coming up. I hope this means he is happy about how we are all doing.
He is missed every day by all three of us. I wonder all the time what life would be like if he was still here. I hope he somehow knows that we try to honor him as best we can as often as we can.
My in-laws came over for brunch the other day. As happens often when we are with them, the conversation turned to Howie. His parents talk about when he was a child, my girls talk about him as a dad, and I usually end up telling stories from when we were dating or newly married.
This does not make any of us sad. I know for my girls, it makes them happy. They both laugh when we talk about the silly things he used to do, and it is so nice for them to remember what a great father he was.
I remember talking with a woman in the first few months after Howie died. She had lost her father at a young age, and sadly, years later also lost her husband. She told me that she was only seven years old when her dad died, and that her mother remarried a few years later. She then said that her stepfather would not allow pictures of her father in the house. Granted, when she was a child it was a different time, she is probably 20 years older than I am. Even so, I remember looking at her in disbelief.
She believed that because of not seeing those pictures, plus not speaking of her dad that often, she had a hard time remembering him. I am sure that she was correct.
My girls were young when Howie died, especially Lily who was only 10. I want their memories of him to be as vivid as possible. I still have many family pictures up in our house. I also have boxes and boxes of pictures put away, which they do look at often.
His name and stories about him come up in conversation all the time, not just with my in-laws. I am always telling them which traits of theirs came from him. Lily looks exactly like him, and Amanda has more of his personality.
They are smart girls and they know how to use this against me. I get mad when they are messy, or complain too much, among other things. They always come back with “I got that from Daddy”. They think it will soften me. I have to admit, sometimes it does.
I believe it is so important for all of us to keep his memory alive. The more we talk, the more we seem to remember. My father in law mentioned the name of a candy store by his office the other day. Howie used to bring me the best chocolate from there for any special occasion. I hadn’t thought about it in years. The minute he said it, tons of memories came back, along with wanting the candy! It was nice for thoughts to come up that hadn’t been on my mind for so long.
Memories can keep someone a part of you after they are gone. As time goes on and they are no longer in every thought, it is nice to keep a place in your mind for them. I hope that my girls can always hold on to special memories of their father. He will always be a part of all of us.